It was December 2015. Our family was eagerly awaiting the arrival of our second addition. Billie was excited to have a sibling, curious if she would receive a sister or a brother. Mike, worried about the extra responsibility and pressure of raising another child in our 550 square foot home. Myself, questioning if I would have enough love for another child. Saddened I would not be able to give my undivided attention to Billie any longer. Would our bond weaken because of it? Was I going to be able to manage entertaining a toddler, while nursing an infant, maintain household tasks, care for my pets, care for myself, all while remaining a supportive wife and friend.
Our due date was December 14. We were really hoping to meet you before Christmas. To share the holiday with you earth side, as our early Christmas gift. Of course you had a plan of your own. That plan was to run on Smallj time, following in your sister and fathers footsteps. You made your great debut on December 27th. One day before an induction was going to be discussed and highly encouraged. I was really hoping to avoid a permanent IV with the line and bag. I didn’t want to learn the feeling of synthetic oxytocin running through my body, heightening the intensity of my contractions. Making it harder for my body to cope with labour. So I was very grateful you came before that was a reality. Although cranky you left me hanging until the last possible moment really.
Many people promised me, with your second there is more chance you’ll have the baby early. With your second, your birth will be much easier and definitely shorter. At ultrasounds you were gauging to be 10 pounds. The fact that you were a healthy, plump baby added to the hope of an early birth date. None of these promises or hopes came true. The only thing that was accurate, was your weight. You were born a hefty 9 pounds 15 ounces. Your birth was neither easy nor short.
This time I was accepted by a midwife. I was ecstatic. The experience from start to finish was so much more relaxing. Appointment times were longer, I was able to get in all my questions. I never felt rushed. Billie was welcomed into our appointments to help the midwife find your heartbeat. This allowed her to feel involved and connected to you. Everything was looking good during pregnancy. You had a healthy heartbeat and healthy growth. Almost too healthy, I was continuously sent for ultrasounds. This was to ensure I always had a good amount of amniotic fluid, not too much, not too little. I was tested for gestational diabetes twice. My belly was measuring larger than it should have been, according to how many weeks pregnant I was. The gestational diabetes test was negative both times. At the 20 week ultrasound, much to our disappointment. The ultrasound tech made the mistake of hovering over your penis, even after we asked to not know your gender. So for the last half of the pregnancy, Mike and I knew we would be meeting our little boy in December. We did choose to keep it to ourselves until the birth announcement, even from Billie.
Towards the end of the pregnancy, you were positioned nicely, head down. Again everything was on track to attend the Birth Center. At this stage the midwife did need to go through some details of procedures and protocols. What would be performed if you had a hard time getting through the pelvic outlet, due to your guesstimated size. Discussing things like shoulder dystocia and maneuvers involved in event of difficulties. She explained hospital transfers and what that entailed. After I had taken in all the information shared and discussed with Mike our feelings and thoughts. We made the decision to go to the hospital after all. I was not worried about any issues with you becoming stuck, but what I wanted to avoid was a hospital transfer. It was explained, if we needed to be transferred after you were born we would be put in separate ambulances. I did not like the sound of that. Even knowing how close the Birth Centre and Hospital were to each other. Reluctantly back to St.Boniface we would go. Although much happier knowing we would have a midwife by our side this time.
December 26, I started to feel some subtle contractions around 9 pm. I knew that it could be time, or maybe my body was doing some practicing. I tried my best to rest and go to sleep, but I was simply too anxious wondering if this could be it. By midnight my contractions were very regular and becoming stronger. A few more hours passed, I realized I would not be getting any rest. I decided to give my midwife and mom a call, I let them know it may be time to go to the hospital soon. Once both our moms got to our house, Caroline stayed with Billie and the pets and my mom hopped in the car with Mike I. We made it up to triage around 7-7:30 am. Triage turned into another series of unfortunate events. I was advised that my midwife had not arrived yet. That my primary midwife was attending another birth and my secondary midwife was also attending another birth at St.Boniface Hospital. I would be meeting a third midwife, that day, who would be catching you.
The Triage nurses checked my cervix, I was 5 cm dilated. I was hooked up to a fetal monitoring machine for over an hour (20 minutes is usually routine). While labouring it felt more like 5 hours. Finally I was disconnected from the machine. Next the nurse was getting ready to insert the IV I required for my antibiotics. I had tested positive for Group B Strep again. Before she started I requested they insert the needle with the lock into my forearm. I found it much more comfortable, allowing better mobility and less awareness of it being there. The nurse went on to tell me that was not an option. I couldn’t understand why, but I was not in the frame of mind to argue. I just wanted to be in my own birthing room. She attempted to insert the IV into my hand and failed to find a vein twice, with different sized needles. Then proceeded to insist I still needed it in my hand. Thankfully my mother stepped in and advocated for me. She told the nurse to remove the needle and stop. We would wait for our midwife to assist us once she arrived. After leaving triage I was in a lot of distress. My midwife was not at the hospital yet. A room was still not available to us. Left with yet another unpleasant experience with triage.
I was quite upset, I wanted privacy and the comfort of the midwife by my side. Finally she walked in, she saw how distraught I was. She calmed my nerves and reminded me that stress can slow the birthing process. Inserted my IV in under 30 seconds. Wow, relief at last. I was placed on the high risk side of the hospital because of your estimated size. Again disappointed, the room was small and smelt of urine. There was no shower for me to utilize for during or after birth. Nonetheless, at last we had silence, privacy and our midwife by our side. During these next few hours I could not get comfortable on a birthing ball like I had with Billie’s labour. The previous swaying and bouncing was not cutting it this time. The only place I could find comfort was standing up, leaning over the hospital bed. The midwife tried to encourage me to stand more upright in a slow dancing position or supported squat with Mike. This would allow gravity to aid, but for some reason my body wasn’t having it. When I think back I wonder if it was because you were trying to rotate into an optimal position into my pelvis. Maybe that’s why being stationed forward was the best position for me. It was around 11am now. I started to get a feeling to push. My water had not yet broken. I contemplated if it would be helpful to break my water to really get you moved down. Instead of doing a cervical exam the midwife suggested putting my knee up on the bed. She explained, sometimes the pelvis will put pressure on the amniotic sac and puncture the membranes. I took her advice and it did exactly that. Unfortunately for Mike, he was standing directly behind me and my water gushed all over his new shoes. Just like you see in the movies.
This birth was much more intense for me. I had repeated thoughts and made comments like, “Why is this so different?”, “What am I doing wrong?”, “Why is this taking soooo long?”. When I contemplate about your birth, with you being larger, my body must have had to naturally work harder to turn and guide you out. The midwife checked your heart rate often and everything was always fine. You were coping with the labour much better than I was. I wanted to give up now. I was extremely exhausted. With Billie’s birth I had a full night's rest before the marathon of her labour. This time around I had been awake for more than 24 hours. Additionally I did not utilize the birthing ball, which would have offered support for my legs. My legs were like noodles from standing and swaying for hours. My bare down contractions did not appear as quickly as they did with Billie’s birth (about 20 minutes after breaking my water, if not sooner).
I continued to doubt myself and body, “What is going on?”, “Why am I not working?”. The midwife decided to check my cervix, I was fully dilated but my cervix was slightly swollen on one side. Most likely from pushing before you and my body were fully ready. The midwife offered a suggestion. I was up for anything due to my physical and emotional exhaustion. She placed ice in a latex glove, tied it up and placed it on the swollen part of my cervix. She explained it should help the swelling and sometimes the cervix will retract. After she performed the technique, she checked again and it was successful. I unfortunately was still not feeling the strong urge to push. Now I was feeling helpless and defeated. The midwife offered the option of an epidural and offered to speak to an anesthesiologist. She suggested it would give me some relief and time to rest. I wanted to think about it and allow a little more time to pass. Mike and my mom helped me to the bathroom where I started to feel like I needed to have a bowel movement. I sat on the toilet for about 10-15 minutes. The midwife came to check on me and asked how I was doing. Well she could see your head descending. We were all so excited. I remember the midwife saying “Yay, the toilet always works”, with a big smile on her face. That smile gave me the small shred of hope I really needed to press on.
Finally, the finish line was in sight. We would meet you soon, our not so little guy. Mom and Mike helped me over to the bed. It was a strange sensation waddling with your head between my legs. Got up onto the bed on my hands and knees and held on to the head of the bed. I started to feel the real powerful surges, the ones you cannot fight but instead give into. It did not take me 40 minutes to push you out, like it did with Billie. It took me 2-2.5 hours to push you out. I had made a promise to myself though, I would listen to my surges. Only push on the ones that were fierce in strength, not the soft contractions that seemed to give you a break during descent. I was hopeful it would make a difference in the damage done to my perineum. Well your head finally fully emerged. I could hear and feel the emotion in the room from Mike and my mom. The midwife waited a safe period of time for your shoulders to birth. The time passed, so on my next contraction she assisted your shoulders out the rest of the way. Mike and my mom held onto my upper body and pulled in the opposite direction. The pressure was immense.
Then Ahhhhh, blissful release. The immediate exhale of relief you feel once your baby is finally out. So tired and yet so overjoyed. All 9.15 pounds of our pale, bald headed boy Jude Alexander had arrived. We waited to cut your cord until pulsating stopped. Had immediate skin to skin. The midwife administered a needle of Pitocin to encourage the birthing of my placenta. Once everyone was well acquainted and you had time to latch. The midwife checked my bleeding. There were no concerns. Checked for damage. I only had minor abrasions that did not require stitches. Yay, intuitive pushing did make a huge difference! After I used the washroom, had a quick sponge bath and got ourselves dressed to go home. We left the hospital 4 hours after you were born. I was thrilled to be able to leave so quickly. I couldn’t wait for you to meet your sister Billie, eat all the food and snuggle up in our own bed all together!
My heart grew effortlessly to accommodate loving another child. Some days, I can do it all. On others, I make it through doing the bare minimum. Which we all know is never really the minimum and is most definitely enough. This birth surprised me how different it was from my first experience. They say each child is individual and unique in their own way. It is now apparent this also applies to pregnancy and birth. If I can offer any advice, it is to not make decisions based on fear. I do believe if I went to the Birth Center, Jude’s birth maybe would have progressed smoother with a calmer mind and heart. Environment is so easily overlooked. Birth where you feel safe and supported. Settle for nothing less. Lastly, do not forget; your birth is not your mother’s birth, co-worker’s birth, or friend’s birth, but it is also not your previous birth experience.
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